


In Grief, There is Comfort

by Charmolypic_Levi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Smut, Grief/Mourning, Jock Erwin, M/M, Punk Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Suicidal Thoughts, Tags to be added, Therapy, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:22:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28417563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charmolypic_Levi/pseuds/Charmolypic_Levi
Summary: Erwin lost someone dear to him, and struggles to find happiness again. Levi is a lost cause; a cold, rude, menace to society. But when the two collide, there is happiness to be found. Can they get along long enough to find it?Warnings: Triggers for loss and grief, mention of suicidal attempts.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	In Grief, There is Comfort

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yaminika (kurayaminika)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurayaminika/gifts).



> This work is written for my amazing friend, Nika. Happy {again, belated} birthday! This will be a multi-chapter fic, though I make no promised schedule for updates! Enjoy!

_“P-please! You have to help me! M-my dad, he- the truck came out of nowhere! I-I can’t- he won’t…” Everything was spinning, is that blood? Who’s blood? His blood? A nurse rushed up, eyes wide and asking if he was alright- trying to steer him to sit. “N-no, my dad! He’s- down the street… I- I…” Everything went black._

Erwin clenched his jaw at the unwelcome memories. The weather was downright chilly as he lingered outside the large, grey colored building. He could see his breath, a white cloud escaping with every huff of his chest. It was chilly for early October, and Erwin found it almost fitting. The sky was overcast, causing it to feel far past two in the afternoon. What a way to spend a Sunday, standing outside of a strange building full of strange people. Something hit his back, and Erwin whipped around with widened eyes.

“Oi, are you gonna fucking go inside? Or are you gonna make us both freeze to death by blocking the door all day?” An irritated voice snapped, and as Erwin lowered his gaze slightly- he saw him. Short, thin, with dark raven hair hanging over his half-lidded eyes. “Oh, you’re deaf too. Cool.” The boy scoffed, huffing so hard a white puff emanated from his mouth.   
  


“Shit… Sorry.” Erwin mumbled, stepping aside to allow the short boy entrance. He himself was quite tall, nearly a foot taller he guessed. His blonde hair was fairly messy today, hanging on his forehead lazily.

“Look, are you coming in or not? Is this your first time or something?” The boy asked, holding the door open in invitation. Erwin shuffled his feet, letting out a deep sigh, and nodded reluctantly. The dark-haired kid let out a sigh of his own, and for a brief moment- Erwin thought he saw some pity flash in those bored eyes. “Just come inside. It’s shitty, but they’ll nag the shit out of you if you don’t go.” The boy grumbled, gesturing him in. Erwin finally willed his feet to move, stepping inside the fairly warm building. It was even more dull inside, the white concrete walls bare of anything but cheesy inspirational posters. “Just follow me, new guy.” The raven-haired male tsked, walking down a long hallway- until he stopped in front of a door to the right. He shoved it open, holding it for Erwin. Inside were about ten other people, all in chairs forming a circle in the center of the room. It was a huge space, though it was void of any decoration or intrigue. To the left was a single rectangular table holding a pot of coffee and some questionable looking snacks. Erwin had no appetite anyway.

“Levi, I thought you were going to skip out on us again.” A male spoke, rising from one of the chairs to approach.

“I thought you might like to be graced with my bubbly personality.” The boy, Levi, replied in a monotone voice. The older male, probably in his seventies, smiled gently in a way that crinkled his eyes. He seemed friendly enough, bald with a mustache- friendly eyes. Erwin’s father always said people held their true selves in their eyes. The thought brought a sour feeling to his stomach.

“Who did you bring with you?” The man asked, turning to Erwin with a kind smile.

“Dunno. He was outside, shitting himself about coming in. He’s new.” Levi mumbled, snatching a muffin from the questionable platter. Erwin scowled at the boy’s words about him.

“I’m Erwin… I was just debating whether this was a good idea, is all.” Erwin stated, a bit snappily towards Levi- who just smirked and headed to grab a seat.

“Erwin, it’s nice to meet you. I heard you were supposed to be coming today.” The man hummed, offering his hand, which Erwin shook politely. “You can call me Pixis. I’m just a counselor, a moderator of sorts. Don’t feel pressured to speak today, just listen if you want. And don’t mind Levi. He’s just… Levi.” Pixis chuckled, gently patting Erwin’s shoulder and gesturing him to come over. Feeling a bit more at ease now, Erwin followed and took a chair as far from Levi as possible. The boy irritated Erwin, though he wasn’t quite sure why. He was used to punks like him from high school, they always seemed to hang around being useless to society. After everyone settled, Pixis cleared his throat. “Welcome everyone. I’m glad to see so many familiar faces, and a couple new ones too.” Erwin looked around as Pixis spoke, finding he didn’t really recognize anyone from school or anything. “At the beginning, I always open the floor to stories or discussions. As a general rule, try not to interrupt anyone… _Levi.”_ The raven rolled his eyes, arms crossed over his chest. Clearly, he wanted to be anywhere else at the moment.

“Um… Well, I suppose I can start? To give the newer people an example.” A redhead female spoke, tucking her long hair behind her ears sheepishly.

  
“Thank you, Petra.” Pixis hummed, gesturing that she had the floor. The girl took a deep breath, playing with her hair out of what was clearly a nervous habit.

“I’ve been doing much better recently, as you guys know. I’ve been talking about my progress a lot. But…there are still always those days. The other day, I was sitting in the living room watching some television… When a stupid commercial came on. It was for my dad’s favorite brand of shoes. As stupid as it sounds, it broke me down. I cried so much, for hours and hours. It’s the little things that hurt me so much, knowing he’ll never buy another stupid pair of Adidas sneakers again. Knowing that he can’t eat the discount jerky from the market anymore.” Petra teared up, and Erwin felt his chest constrict. “It’s been almost two years since he passed away, now. So… It has gotten better, but it will never be perfect again.” She sniffled. A quiet little round of claps sounded, and Erwin looked around to see the saddened expressions on everyone’s faces.

“Thank you for sharing, Petra. And it’s important for everyone to remember that we’re human. We’ll always have those days, but we have to try to move forward- rather than let them move us back.” Pixis spoke calmly. Two years, and still suffering like that? Erwin didn’t know what to expect but… He hoped in two years he’d be better. That he’d be healed. “Who else?” Pixis hummed, seeing no volunteers. “Levi, do you have anything to say today?” He asked.

“Nope.” The raven replied, jaw clenched. A large boy volunteered to go next, and his was a story of his father becoming colder after his mother passed- and how difficult it was on him. Stories were all fairly similar, and that irritated Erwin. Why? He didn’t know. He liked pretending he was the only one suffering, that he alone went through these hard times. that he was _special._ But he wasn't... 

* * *

_The sound of his father’s horrible eighties rock filled the car, and even worse- his corny singing and drum playing on the stereo. “I didn’t realize a ride to the store would showcase your lack of talent.” Erwin teased, earning him an appalled gasp._

_“I’ll have you know I was in a pretty good band back in the day.” His father hummed, grinning and pushing his glasses further up his nose._

_“Oh god. I’ve heard this story five too many times. Could we listen to some music of this decade?” Erwin asked with a chuckle, turning the station._

_“But music these days is so bad! Not to sound like an old man or anything, but where are the real instruments! It’s all electro and fake.” The big baby whined, shaking his head._

_“When did you get so old?” Erwin chuckled, earning him a deep sigh._

_“Football game this Friday? Home or away?” His father asked, changing the subject away from his decaying age._

_“Home. It’s an easy win for sure, it’s that weird all boys school in Hampton? The one where they have no cheerleaders or anything.” He scoffed with a shake of his head._

_“Mmm, well I’ll be there. The kids love seeing their favorite high school teacher there anyway. I’ll even wear a Smith jersey. Should I get some pom-poms?” The old man hummed thoughtfully._

_“Oh please, do not.” Erwin laughed, shaking his head._

_“Well, I have to be proud of my son, the quarterback. You know, in high school I was a huge nerd. I kind of figured you’d be one too- but surprise! You’re the handsome Mr. Popular. All the girls swooning- ‘Ooh, Erwin! So strong.’” His father teased, even using the teenage girl voice to add some dramatization._

_“Dad! You’re so embarrassing!” Erwin groaned, hiding his face in his hands. The sound of his father’s laughter echoed in the car. It was warm, it was happy, it was a perfect life._

_“In all seriousness, I’m so proud of you, Erwin. Perfect grades, athletic, kind- I heard you were tutoring some kids again this weekend. Where do you even find the time?” He asked, a fond smile on his face, blue eyes glowing with joy._

_“Thanks, Dad…” Erwin whispered, smiling as well. They were stopped at a red light, waiting their turn. After it turned green, his father stepped on the gas to continue on their merry way… He never even saw the truck. **“DAD!”** _

* * *

“Erwin, I know it’s your first day… But did you have anything you wanted to say or ask?” Pixis asked him, knocking him from his mental ramble.

He firmly shook his head, staring at the floor. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t do it. It was too sensitive, too fresh. The pain in his chest hadn’t eased a single bit. “That’s okay, that’s fine. Remember, there’s never any pressure. But this is a safe space. We’ve all dealt with such loss, but leaning on others and opening up will help ease the burden.”

“Tch.” Levi scoffed from across the circle, and all eyes pinned to him. “Are we done?” He asked impatiently, sighing softly.

“Just about. I’ll offer a prayer now, for those of you who wish to join me.” Pixis hummed. Erwin zoned out then. He’d given up religious beliefs after… He clenched his jaw, fighting the hot tears threatening to spill. “Alright, I’ll see you all two weeks from now.” Pixis gave Erwin his phone number, assuring him that it was safe to call anytime. Briefly, he wondered who the man lost to be so good at this kind of thing- but he’d never ask. Levi was the first out, seeming in quite a hurry. Erwin felt simultaneously irritated by the raven, and intrigued. He left shortly after, not feeling comfortable enough to stay and chat. He didn’t actually know any of these people… He still didn’t think this kind of therapy was for him. No sooner had he stepped outside, than his cell phone rang- his blue eyes rolling at the caller ID of his mother.

“How was it, honey?” Bless her heart, she tried to be comforting and kind… But she didn’t understand how he felt… The guilt he had felt. _Still felt._

“It was awkward, tense, and uncomfortable.” Erwin answered, after having unlocked and gotten inside his blue Audi.

“Well, that’s to be expected for your first session. You have to give it a chance. Come straight home, okay? I made some of your favorite food!” He didn’t understand how his mother managed to sound so cheery, when he knew her heart was broken as well. How did she maintain such joy and optimism? Erwin’s life had been drained of it all.

“I have to grab my prescription from the pharmacy, and I’ll be home.” Erwin stated. There was silence for a brief moment.

“Maybe… I should pick them up?” She asked softly. Erwin understood her worry, he really did. But it also irritated him.

“I can pick up pills, Mom. I’m not going to off myself between the pharmacy and home. Jesus.” Erwin snapped, sighing deeply afterwards at the tense silence. He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath to steady himself. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry… I know you’re just looking out for me.” He whispered afterwards, truly feeling a bit guilty. His mom really stepped up, took care of things for them.

“Oh, it’s alright honey… I’ve been a little overbearing. I’ll see you at home.” After the phone clicked to signal the end of the call, Erwin slumped over his steering wheel, exhaling shuddering breaths. What if It never got better? What if things kept hurting like this?

* * *

Levi took a long, deep drag of his lit cigarette, feet swinging from where he sat on top of a concrete wall. The air was fucking cold again, it seemed like every week was getting chillier. His thin jacket wouldn’t do him much good in the upcoming winter months, but he couldn’t afford to replace it with anything better. The smoke puffed out in a visible cloud, surrounding Levi in a comforting way. Or maybe that was the nicotine. Who knew? Several people passed by, all glancing up at him with annoyed or confused stares- probably wondering why he was there, when he rarely actually walked into the building. Including that one posh and clean-cut blonde he met a couple weeks ago. Erwin, was it? He shot him a rather irritated look, to which Levi just smirked and flicked his ashes towards the guy. What a spoiled little asshole. He probably thought he had it super tough, with whatever reason he was there for.

Levi’s attention was gained by Pixis suddenly appearing at the base of the wall, one hand on the concrete as he leaned against it. “Any plans to attend a meeting soon?” He asked, and Levi sighed and put out the cig before getting scolded for it. Inevitably.

“Not really in the stars for me, nah.” He responded, hunching over and picking at a couple stones fraying from the concrete structure. Pixis hummed thoughtfully, pacing over to be directly in front of Levi.

“You know… Just because you get dropped off here every week, doesn’t mean that your court-ordered therapy is being paid off. I have to sign off, acknowledging you participated in meetings.” He reminded, causing the raven to sneer and glare at the ground. “And as I’m sure you’ve gathered… I’m not signing anything for the month unless you at least sit with us, and listen. I’ll never force you to speak- though I do think it would help-“

“Jesus christ! Okay- I’ll fucking come inside and sit in your shit ‘feelings circle’.” Levi interrupted, rolling his eyes hard before hopping down off the wall.

“Wonderful. Let’s head in before we freeze.” Pixis hummed, putting on a pleasant smile to lead Levi inside the warm building. That was one benefit, the warm air. Everywhere else in Levi’s life seemed to be fucking freezing. It wasn’t like the orphanage had superior heat, let alone any foster homes he managed to get into. The circle was full of the same old annoying-looking rich kids. All with somber expressions, shoulders tensed, and arms or legs crossed. It was the same depressing shit. The only available seat was right next to Blondie, so Levi plopped himself right in it.

“Look who decided to show up.” The kid mumbled under his breath, to which Levi released a bark of bitter laughter.

“Good one. My one remaining feeling was so damaged by your sass-filled remark.” Levi responded, dripping with sarcasm.

“What the hell is your problem? Why are you such an asshole?” Erwin snapped, glaring with those pretty blue eyes. The guy really was lucky, did he not see that?

“Dunno. I guess pretty rich boys like you just piss me off.” He retorted, voice lacking any emotion or interest in the conversation. Because he _wasn’t_ interested in the slightest. Erwin was just a typical rich jock, who happened to have lost someone he cared about. It was a pretty fucking common story.

“Why do you assume I’m rich?” Blondie scoffed, which just irritated Levi. He leaned a little closer to Erwin, glaring now.

“Thick, expensive-brand jacket, snow boots, gloves, a fucking Audi, hair all pretty, and oh- I can smell the classy cologne too. Do you think you’re that hard to read? You’re like an open fucking book.” Levi stated, voice laced with irritation and anger. Erwin at least went quiet after that, and only when Levi glanced up, he noticed everyone watching them with confused expressions. “We gonna start this shit-show of a meeting or what?” Levi hissed, crossing his arms protectively over himself and staring at the floor.

“Right… then, would anyone like to speak first?” Pixis asked. Levi zoned out the typical rambling sob stories, foot tapping against his knee after having crossed his legs. He learned by now to just block it all out, to ignore any emotions that threatened to rise within him. He didn’t _need_ this shitty therapy. It didn’t help, it only caused him inconvenience. Like clockwork, before the meeting ended, Pixis called on him- asking if he had anything to say.

“Nope. I’m good.” Levi replied, in his typical curt manner. Pixis visibly withheld a sigh, doing his ending prayer before dismissing the group. On the way out, Levi snagged a couple of those shitty muffins and a hot cup of cheap coffee, it might be his main meal today after all. Then he was out in the cold, waiting for his ride. And waiting. _And waiting._ “Sons of bitches forgot again…” Levi hissed to himself. It was fucking freezing out, but he had no choice but to walk. He took off down the driveway, glaring ahead. These boots were shit, had holes in them, this jacket too thin- everything sucked. Just as Levi was going on a mental reverie about how sucky life was- a car paused beside him. No, a fucking expensive _Audi_ stopped beside him. The dark-tinted window rolled down- and there was Blondie, looking at him with that stare. It was a familiar look, the way his eyebrows furrowed, lips turned down in a slight frown, head tilted to the side. _Pity._

“Do you want a ride somewhere?” He asked, which made Levi roll his eyes and continue walking- arms crossed tight over his torso. Like hell he needed this guy’s help. The rich kid who pretended his life was so hard- all because someone died. Well Levi’s life was _actually hard,_ and he didn’t go around whining about it! The car slowly pulled forward, keeping pace. “Hey! I know I was a jerk- but it’s freezing. Let me drive you home!” Erwin insisted, making Levi hiss out an annoyed scoff between his clenched teeth.

“I don’t fucking _need_ your help, Blondie! If I did, I would fucking ask. But since I didn’t, you can drive on your way, knowing you tried to help a poor, defenseless little poor boy.” Levi gasped with fake admiration, dripping with venom and irritation. Erwin’s huge, comically huge actually, eyebrows furrowed in…confusion? Concern? Levi wasn’t sure, but he was confident he got him to give up. He was wrong. The car suddenly screeched forward, turning to block Levi’s walking path- putting the car right in his way.

“Get in the damn car. My mother raised me better than to let anyone walk home in this cold. _Even_ if they’re an unappreciative prick. Now either I can follow you like a creepy stalker, or you can just let me drive you and be warm. I prefer the second, because I don’t pride myself on being creepy. Or a stalker.” Erwin stated, and Levi cursed under his breath. He never expected the rich kid to be so fucking stubborn. He must have some hero or tough guy complex Levi was damaging. Seeing no other viable option to stop this embarrassing scenario, Levi grasped the sleek handle of the vehicle and opened the door to slide in. The seats were in perfect condition, probably made of leather or some shit. The interior was all a sleek black color, with all those fancy gadgets on the dashboard. “Where to?” Erwin asked, glancing over.

“Head towards 42nd Street.” Levi responded, arms crossed. He was confused why the vehicle wasn’t moving, till he glanced over and saw the expectant stare from the blonde. “What now?” He hissed, brows furrowed in irritation.

“Seatbelt.” Erwin replied, gesturing with his chin.

“Seriously?” Levi mumbled, rolling his eyes before stretching the band over his body. Once it ‘clicked’ in place, Erwin nodded satisfied and began to drive. There was a tense silence that washed over the car, causing Levi to nibble on his lip and tap his fingers against his arms- where they remained crossed over his chest. He didn’t know Erwin, and hell- Erwin didn’t know him.

“So… Where am I taking you to? Parents house? Grandparents’ house…?” Erwin asked carefully, and though he tried to hide it- Levi knew he was prying for information. Levi never spoke in therapy, he never mentioned anything about himself. To many people, he was a mystery. It wasn’t as if he were approachable, after all. His personality was like a hissing cat- you _want_ to pet it, but is the risk of getting clawed or bitten really _worth_ the effort?

“It’s my current foster home.” Levi replied, staring out the window and clenching his jaw.

“Oh…” The blonde intelligently replied, and again a tense air filled the car. It was silent, apparently putting on music was too much fucking effort. “So… Are you parents…?”

“Is this ‘twenty questions’? Are we playing ‘get to know the poor kid’?” Levi snapped, sending a harsh glare to the offending man.

“Would it be so bad to get to know each other? Why are you so rude and cold to everyone? I mean- even Pixis. He’s such a nice guy, and you treat him like shit!” Erwin scoffed, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

“It’s who I am. You don’t have to like it, in fact? You don’t have to like _me._ I didn’t fucking ask for this ride, or your small talk, or anything. I don’t ask shit from people, and I don’t go around pretending I’m some decent fucking person. I’m not. So, drop it.” Erwin was silent for a long moment, and finally sighed.

“You put up all these walls to protect yourself, huh? You must have lost someone you really loved.” He whispered gently, much to Levi’s surprise.

“Now you sound like Pixis.” He huffed, pressing his lips together tight.

“He’s a smart guy. I actually feel like he helps a little…” Erwin mumbled, shrugging those big shoulders.

“Yeah? Then why don’t you ever speak or share your shit, huh? I don’t see you telling your life story in there.”

“I guess I’m a shy person with that stuff… I don’t really like the group therapy thing, I wish it were more one-on-one.” Erwin admitted softly. Levi felt a slight tug at his heart. Erwin looked like a kicked puppy, cheeks pink, eyes wet, lips tugged down. Fuck, why did he suddenly feel so bad for being an asshole…?

“I didn’t even want to go to therapy. I was forced to. I guess no teen really wants to go, though…” Levi sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. A tense silence washed over the car, and Levi debated jumping out mid-driving just to avoid this awkward air.

“I lost my dad.” Erwin suddenly stated, which made Levi’s heart speed up- and he glanced over to see the blonde blank faced. “It was a car accident, with the truck driver running a red light.” Levi wasn’t good at these situations, he didn’t know what to say.

“…I’m sorry.” He muttered, because what else was there?

“We were really close. I mean, he was a teacher at my school and everything. He was such a good man.” Erwin sighed, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“You don’t have to talk about this, you know. I mean you barely know me, you’re not obligated to tell me your life story or anything.” Levi muttered. That made the blonde crack half a smile and glance over.

“You’re so uncomfortable, aren’t you? Man, you must have some really fucked up story to explain why you’re so emotionally stunted.” Erwin hummed, and it almost sounded _teasing._

“I’m not uncomfortable! I just don’t fucking know you. And you don’t know me. So, what’s the point in whining about our lives?” Levi hissed, fighting a flustered blush.

“There doesn’t have to be a point. I was telling you something personal, hoping you would return the favor and open up to me a bit. I’ve become a little determined in cracking the tough exterior of yours.” Erwin admitted.

“Ha, well it’s gonna take more than that Blondie. Stop here.” Once the car halted, Levi stepped out. “If I were you, I wouldn’t meddle in someone else’s life. You never know what could happen. Nosey rich boy.” He huffed, before walking off. Erwin was amused though- because the insult sounded way less aggressive than before. Maybe Levi was tough work but breaking that wall down might be satisfying after all.

* * *

As the weeks passed, the holidays grew closer and closer. It seemed a popular time to attend therapy, hardly anyone seemed to miss sessions- including Levi. Erwin had changed his attitude towards the raven from contempt, to interest. He was truly curious about the male, and what prompted his personality to become so hostile and cold. “Alright, everyone- good meeting today. And as a reminder, we’re going to have a little holiday celebration at our next meeting.” Pixis announced with his bright grin. Everyone filtered out, Levi after grabbing the complimentary hot cocoa and snacks.

“Levi, wait up!” Erwin called, but the raven held up his middle finger and left anyway- hopping into a sketchy looking van with a yelling lady. The blonde let out a deep sigh, hearing a chuckle behind him.

“He’s a difficult one.” Pixis commented as he put chairs away.

“Yeah… He is. Do you know anything about him?” Erwin asked, helping the man.

“Mm, yes. But it isn’t my place to share what he chooses to keep private. I do have a reputation to hold up.” Pixis chuckled. “But I can tell you… He’s had a hard life. His birthday is coming up, too- doubt he’ll celebrate.” He sighed.

“Well, when is his birthday? We could get him a cake!” Erwin gasped.

“No, no. Levi doesn’t like all that attention. He’s even more bitter because his birthday is on Christmas.” Pixis mumbled.

“Oh, come on… A cake and a couple surprises? Who wouldn’t like that??” Erwin hummed.

“Levi. Levi wouldn’t. You can do whatever you choose, Erwin. But I’m telling you- it’s going to end badly.” Pixis warned.

“You worry too much. I’ll see you next week!” Erwin hummed, heading out. This was perfect, he had a way to win Levi over! He would get his mother to make some nice, homemade cupcakes. He’d get decorations, and Levi a present! It was going to really warm his heart, then he’d see- he could open up to Erwin. The plan was hatched, so Erwin got to work. Everything was purchased, Pixis let him come in early to set up and decorate… It was all prepared. Now, he just had to hope Levi showed up. “What if he flakes?” He muttered, as the meeting time rolled around, and no grumpy raven was in sight.

“He’ll be here. I told him he has to, for private reasons.” Pixis hummed with a smirk. Sneaky old man. Shortly after, the man of the day walked in, shivering in his thin jacket.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Rang out through the room, his silver eyes going wide and body jolting in surprise. This was it, this was where he smiled- got all happy and giggly, grateful to Erwin. This was where he trusted him… _Or so Erwin thought._

“…Who the fuck planned this stupid shit? Was it you, old man?” Levi scoffed, anger evident in his furrowed brows. Erwin raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“No, it wasn’t him. I did. I thought it would be nice, to get you some cake and celebrate.” Erwin hummed. “I even got you a gift!” He added, showing him the neatly wrapped box. Levi silently took the box, tearing it open with a blank expression. He opened it up to find an expensive, luxury brand winter coat. It was thick, warm, black- it was super nice.

“Ha. So, let me get this straight… You felt all bad because I have shitty clothes, and thought you could win me over by flashing your money and bringing cake made by your momma? How fucking cute.” Levi hissed, tossing the coat back at Erwin. “Save your fucking charity.” He snarled, storming towards the door.

“W-wait! Levi! I just wanted to do something nice-“ Erwin gasped, grabbing the raven’s arm. The boy turned and punched Erwin right in the cheek. Not hard, but enough to hurt and make him back off.

“If you wanted to be nice, you would have asked! Respected that I hate this fucking holiday, hate my birthday. I hate it! I fucking hate the cold, I hate ice, I hate snow, I hate everything! You don’t have any clue what it’s like, rich boy, with a mom to coddle you. Don’t project and see me as a fucking pity project to boost your ego and shit. Leave me alone!” Levi screamed, pure rage evident in his balled fists, trembling hands, clenched jaw. But the shocked, wide-eyed Erwin saw something else… He saw grief. Pure, painful grief in those eyes. Levi turned and rushed out, fighting through the cold to run off. Somewhere, anywhere. _Alone. He needed to be alone._

And alone he was, collapsing in an alley- curling into a ball, sobbing harder than he had in years. _“Happy birthday, Levi.”_

“No…”

_“Happy birthday, baby.”_

“NO!” Levi screamed, tugging at his hair, punching the ground until his fist bled. Then, the snow began to fall. Soft, puffy white balls floating to the ground around him. “This isn’t fair…” He whispered between sobs. It was impossible to know how long he stayed there, how long he stayed curled up in the falling snow. The cold soaking into his bones, his head numb and full of ghosts. He wanted to just disappear. The sun went down, his breath coming shakier.

“I found him!” A voice yelled, someone rushing towards him, lifting him up. A hard shiver ran through his body, curling instinctively towards the warmth. “You’re freezing, Levi… Let’s get you warmed up.” _Wait, he knew that voice._ “I found him. He needs a hospital, his lips are blue.”

“Oh! The poor dear… I have the car warmed up.” A woman’s voice, though Levi didn’t recognize it. He wasn’t sure when he drifted off, but when he woke again, it was bright.

“Ugh… Am I dead?” Levi groaned to himself, blinking rapidly as he tried to adjust to the light.

“No… Though you were on your way there.” He glanced up, spotting Pixis sitting nearby. “You know, he was really just trying to be kind. I did warn him, though I didn’t expect you to react so negatively.”

“Kind, my ass. He was trying to bribe me to open up.” Levi hissed. He took a moment to survey himself, hands wrapped up and bandaged, warm layers on his body, an IV hooked up.

“Levi… Life is full of many wonderful moments. If you let them happen. Erwin is a genuine, kind kid. I think he likes you. If you did open up, try to trust, you would be amazed at the opportunities you’d receive.” The man sighed, standing. “He’s waiting to see you. I’m going to send him in.”

“Wait!” Too late. Out went the old man, in walked the blonde. Levi was silent, clenching his jaw as Erwin sat by the hospital bed.

“…I’m sorry, Levi.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have… I mean- it wasn’t my place. I didn’t expect that reaction, but it wasn’t fair of me to force you into that.” Erwin rambled.

“… No, it wasn’t.” Levi whispered.

“You were really irresponsible though, rushing off like that.”

“Do I look like I give a shit?” The raven scoffed. Another tense silence washed over them, and Erwin fidgeted.

“I tried to kill myself a couple months after my dad died. So, I get it. But I don’t think it’s the answer. I mean- whoever you lost wouldn’t want you to do that.” Erwin whispered.

“No shit. But it doesn’t matter, does it? They’re dead.” Levi scoffed bitterly. Erwin’s eyebrows raised.

“They?” Levi internally cursed. Well…At this point, Erwin’s curiosity might eat him alive.

“Both my parents are dead.” He stated. That much, Erwin assumed. Levi had a foster family, after all. He stayed quiet, hoping Levi would continue on his own. “…Listen. My life wasn’t perfect before that, either. My dad was a drunk, my mom worked the streets to afford bills. They died because my dad drove while drunk, and went off a bridge. He took my fucking mother down with him.” He hissed, glaring at the wall.

“Oh- oh no.” Erwin breathed out with eyes wide. “How long ago?”

“Two years ago…today.” _Today. Oh no._

“Fuck… Fuck, Levi- I’m so sorry.” Erwin cursed, running a hand through his hair and down his face. 

“You didn’t know.” He muttered. “They were on their way home after dropping me off at a friend’s house. It was snowing, they said the roads were icy. But I begged them to take me to my friend. And they died.” Levi whispered. _It was all his fault._

“It isn’t your fault… Levi, it was just bad timing.” Erwin stated, reaching out to give Levi’s hand a squeeze. And for once… the raven didn’t pull away. “Where did you go after?”

“I lived with my uncle. He was an abusive, neglectful asshole. I just this year got moved to foster care, after a teacher saw the bruises. He got me fucked up in some vandalism and theft shit, too. Actually, my therapy is court appointed.” Levi admitted.

“Holy shit.” Erwin breathed out.

“Are you happy, now? The poor kid’s depressing life story is out.” Levi huffed, staring at their joined hands.

“Levi, I’m not going to tell anyone. And I’m not happy to hear how hard your life is, I’m just happy that you opened up to someone.” Erwin stroked Levi’s hand with his thumb, sighing softly. “Life is so fucked, isn’t it?”

“It is. It’s a fucking joke.” Levi grumbled. “My foster home is shit. I mean, did anyone even report me missing?” He scoffed.

“No… We tried to call them, no answer.” Erwin confirmed.

“Figures…” He already knew those people were shit, but it still stung. No one even cared when he didn’t come home- when he just disappeared. A soft knock sounded, drawing Levi’s attention to the door. “Come in.” A pretty blonde woman poked her head in, with blue eyes that matched Erwin’s.

“This is my mother, Levi. She helped me and Pixis look for you.” Erwin spoke, confirming Levi’s suspicions.

“Oh… Uh- hello.” Levi muttered, awkward.

“Hey sweetie. I’ve been trying to call your foster home all night. An officer is heading over there now, to try and get some answers on why no one has looked for you.” She spoke, her voice gentle as she stepped into the room.

“Yeah… I’m not surprised.” Levi muttered, fidgeting with the blanket on his lap. Erwin and his mother exchanged looks, and the blonde boy cleared his throat.

“Levi… Uh- my mom and I were talking a little. And- don’t take this the wrong way, please… but…” Levi raised his eyebrows at the male stuttering so much.

“Honey, I’d like to extend the offer of living with us. I feel you aren’t being properly taken care of, where you are now. You have too thin of clothing, you’re too skinny, and you shouldn’t be left alone for hours or overnight with no one checking up on you. You’re only fifteen.” Mrs. Smith spoke, approaching slowly. Levi was absolutely shocked by the offer, mouth dropping. “We have a spare room. We can more than afford an extra person. It’s going to take some time to get it approved by the court… But I’m willing to make that effort. If, and only if, you would be happy with that.”

“I-I don’t know what to say… I’ve always been on my own, I-I mean I take care of myself. I don’t need-“

“No one is saying you _can’t_ take care of yourself. I’m just saying you shouldn’t _have to.”_ She clarified, causing Levi’s brows to knit together.

“I would feel better knowing you were safe… and not wandering around alone in the cold.” Erwin agreed softly.

“If Erwin were in your shoes, I would pray to God someone would help him. That someone with extra to give, would offer it. My husband and I always believed in sharing what we’ve achieved, what we’ve worked for. Please, give Erwin and I a chance.” Levi swallowed thickly, eyes a little wide- because he never expected something like this. He never thought he’d feel so welcome by someone- he was always seen as a pain in the ass, a burden. And now… Erwin and his mother, who hardly knew him, were asking him to stay with them.

“You’ll have to transfer schools to mine. Is…that alright?” Erwin asked softly.

“Yeah… Uh- yeah, that’s alright. I haven’t gone to school in months…” Levi softly admitted.

“So that’s a yes?” Mrs. Smith asked, smiling- and Erwin, smiling at him- both so gentle and kind.

“Y-yes… Yeah. Okay.” Levi agreed. He had no idea what a transition it would be, or what kind of chaos was in store for him- as those bright blue eyes stared into his soul, and Levi realized… _He was falling in love with Erwin Smith. The rich, athletic, handsome jock. Who was probably straight._

**_To Be Continued..._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Nika makes incredible art, please check her page out! 
> 
> https://twitter.com/kurayaminika
> 
> My Twitter:
> 
> https://twitter.com/charmolypiclevi


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